With the wind blowing hard and lightning flashing in the sky I was wondering if I would get all the ladies home before the full brunt of the storm hit. In the midst of my "day dreaming" I forgot about a burro (speed bump) and, well, lets just say I'm glad it wasn't one of the big ones. It was sufficient though to give everyone on board a thrill ride.
After "safely" dropping off the last lady I headed back to the church to get the rest of the ladies from the El Real Barrio. By that point the heavens had let loose of all the water and I was having to drive home in conditions I really don't like - rain, speed bumps and an overloaded van.
I don't normally drive so I never remember well where everyone lives, that said, I can confess the rest of the story. I thought dropping off the first lady would be fairly simple. Except we usually pick her up on a different road but because of the rain I was taking her to her house and she is hard of hearing. When I got to the place I thought was hers one of the ladies asked her if this was where she needed to be dropped off. Answering in the affirmative and exiting the van she began to run ahead of me, about a block, to her house....in the pouring and pelting rain. Talk about my bad!
On the way to the next house the ladies in the van decided to sing Showers of Blessings. Once all the ladies found their parts it was some of the most beautiful singing I've ever heard. I think we need to form a van choral. :-) We can drive around the neighborhoods singing to the Lord!
The next lady was a near ditto of the last but I actually went where she told me to go. However, she screamed as she got out of the van and then stood there. So all the ladies were yelling at her over the storm to RUN!!! Which she did. The only problem...she ran off in a direction not anywhere near her house. I have to admit it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Based on the riotous laughter in the van, I think all the ladies would agree.
After that at each house we stopped at the rest of the ladies were telling the next to RUN HOME!!! And at one corner I dropped off two ladies who both ran in opposite directions. It just added to the hilarity of the night, even though they were running towards home. I wonder if this will become a running joke for us! HAHA.
I really, really needed some genuine humor last night. I've have so many trials in my life lately that have left me seeing clearly what little faith I have, which in turn, leaves me feeling hopeless and very discouraged. The woman who has challenged the faltering faith in others with the question, "Who is your God?," is left shaking her head in dismay when she asks herself the very same question.
As I ponder some of the happenings of last night I realize a few things.
- How many times have I run off like the first lady, into the midst of the storm, by myself, because I didn't want to inconvenience others. Or because I didn't want to upset, disappoint, or offend anyone by telling them I wasn't in the right place. Or because I didn't trust the one who was offering to help me.
- How many times have I placed myself in more danger because of my pride, or fear of rejection? I am, after all, a missionary, a pastors wife. Is there really an allowance for me to be a human being who hurts and struggles and bleeds red blood just like you?
- Have I tried to help God out by telling Him where I want to go instead of allowing Him to take me where I need to be and I'm left running off screaming into the storm? With no protection and looking like a crazy woman, while others are wondering what in the world that was all about.
- How many times have I judged another going through a torment in their lives?
- How many times have I been a cause of their torment and my refusal to see my responsibility (SIN) has caused them to question Who God is and ultimately led them to despair?
- Am I running to God in my storm...or away from Him thinking I can find help in my own power?
Now I wonder, have I said too much?
What repercussions may this blog post have?
Will this result in more hurt from gossiping tongues?
Or will the results be positive?
Will it help you all to pray better for me? Oh, I surely hope so!!!
No doubt many of you already know me well enough to know that I'm a horribly stubborn selfish imperfect perfectionist...if not, just ask my family! Even so I'm a Christian woman who longs to have Christ glorified in and through me all the while knowing I'm falling very short of that mark. And I can't seem to see the target through the pain and confusion. I feel much like Paul, that would I do I do not. (Romans 7:15-21)
So now I end this VERY long post with a request that you would please pray that God would help me through my unbelief. (Mark 9:24) That he would help me to quit running like a crazy woman through the storm and instead to take His hand and place myself beneath the protective shelter of His wings.
"For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings." Psalm 61:3,4
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