¡¡¡CORRE!!! ¡¡¡CORRE!!!

Yesterday was a surprisingly hot day for October.  It was truly a welcome break from the cold, but with that kind of heat there is always a storm.  And last night was no exception.  We headed to last night's baby shower with clouds on the horizon and a hint of rain in the air.  By the time I headed out to take the ladies in the El General Barrio home the temperature had dropped significantly. 

With the wind blowing hard and lightning flashing in the sky I was wondering if I would get all the ladies home before the full brunt of the storm hit.  In the midst of my "day dreaming" I forgot about a burro (speed bump) and, well, lets just say I'm glad it wasn't one of the big ones.  It was sufficient though to give everyone on board a thrill ride. 

After "safely" dropping off the last lady I headed back to the church to get the rest of the ladies from the El Real Barrio.  By that point the heavens had let loose of all the water and I was having to drive home in conditions I really don't like - rain, speed bumps and an overloaded van. 

I don't normally drive so I never remember well where everyone lives, that said, I can confess the rest of the story.  I thought dropping off the first lady would be fairly simple.  Except we usually pick her up on a different road but because of the rain I was taking her to her house and she is hard of hearing.  When I got to the place I thought was hers one of the ladies asked her if this was where she needed to be dropped off.  Answering in the affirmative and exiting the van she began to run ahead of me, about a block, to her house....in the pouring and pelting rain.  Talk about my bad! 

On the way to the next house the ladies in the van decided to sing Showers of Blessings.  Once all the ladies found their parts it was some of the most beautiful singing I've ever heard.  I think we need to form a van choral. :-)  We can drive around the neighborhoods singing to the Lord! 

The next lady was a near ditto of the last but I actually went where she told me to go.  However, she screamed as she got out of the van and then stood there.  So all the ladies were yelling at her over the storm to RUN!!!  Which she did.  The only problem...she ran off in a direction not anywhere near her house.  I have to admit it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.  Based on the riotous laughter in the van, I think all the ladies would agree.

After that at each house we stopped at the rest of the ladies were telling the next to RUN HOME!!!  And at one corner I dropped off two ladies who both ran in opposite directions.  It just added to the hilarity of the night, even though they were running towards home.  I wonder if this will become a running joke for us!  HAHA.  

I really, really needed some genuine humor last night.  I've have so many trials in my life lately that have left me seeing clearly what little faith I have, which in turn, leaves me feeling hopeless and very discouraged.  The woman who has challenged the faltering faith in others with the question, "Who is your God?,"  is left shaking her head in dismay when she asks herself the very same question.

As I ponder some of the happenings of last night I realize a few things.

1. How many times have I run off like the first lady, into the midst of the storm, by myself, because I didn't want to inconvenience others.  Or because I didn't want to upset, disappoint, or offend anyone by telling them I wasn't in the right place.  Or because I didn't trust the one who was offering to help me.   
2. How many times have I placed myself in more danger because of my pride, or fear of rejection?  I am, after all, a missionary, a pastors wife.  Is there really an allowance for me to be a human being who hurts and struggles and bleeds red blood just like you?
   
3. Have I tried to help God out by telling Him where I want to go instead of allowing Him to take me where I need to be and I'm left running off screaming into the storm?   With no protection and looking like a crazy woman, while others are wondering what in the world that was all about.
4. How many times have I judged another going through a torment in their lives?  
5. How many times have I been a cause of their torment and my refusal to see my responsibility (SIN) has caused them to question Who God is and ultimately led them to despair?
6. Am I running to God in my storm...or away from Him thinking I can find help in my own power?
   

Now I wonder, have I said too much? 

What repercussions may this blog post have? 

Will this result in more hurt from gossiping tongues? 

Or will the results be positive? 

Will it help you all to pray better for me?   Oh, I surely hope so!!! 

No doubt many of you already know me well enough to know that I'm a horribly stubborn selfish imperfect perfectionist...if not, just ask my family!  Even so I'm a Christian woman who longs to have Christ glorified in and through me all the while knowing I'm falling very short of that mark.  And I can't seem to see the target through the pain and confusion.  I feel much like Paul, that would I do I do not.  (Romans 7:15-21) 

So now I end this VERY long post with a request that you would please pray that God would help me through my unbelief.  (Mark 9:24) That he would help me to quit running like a crazy woman through the storm and instead to take His hand and place myself beneath the protective shelter of His wings. 

"For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy.  I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings."  Psalm 61:3,4

Reaching the Other Side

About a year ago I signed up to receive an occasional devotional on Monday Morning Club from Claudia Barba. I have been so blessed by each one but this one especially spoke to me. I suppose that after just having been in the very place where Jesus spoke to the disciples, knowing that He had waited until the 4th watch, and having recently passed through our own storm wondering where God was, I could relate. I hope this is as much a blessing to you as it is to me.

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The disciples were doing what He told them to do—no more, no less. “Get into the boat, and go to the other side,” Jesus had said, and they had obeyed. So when a horrible storm began when they reached the middle of the lake, they must have been as bewildered as they were panicked. What was going on? Why would Jesus send them out onto deep water, knowing that just as they got to the farthest point from safety, wind and waves would threaten their lives? No matter how quickly they bailed or how vigorously they rowed, they were going to die. Two tempests raged that day: one on the sea and the other in their hearts. I don’t know which was worse.

I have never been in a storm on the Sea of Galilee, but I have felt like it—at least once. At that memorably low moment following a line of ministry squalls, I complained to my longsuffering husband, “This is a very strange way for the Lord to treat servants who are just doing what they were told. Where has He gone, and why has He left us here to die?”

I was repeating the disciples’ mistake (and maybe yours) of believing that I knew what God was supposed to be doing. At Jesus’ command, the disciples took off rowing, assuming that His goal must be for them to arrive at the opposite shore. But His plan instead was to teach them something on the way. He directed them into the storm to prove that He is the Master of tempests. He planted them in the middle of the tumult to demonstrate that He would always, eventually, come walking on the water.

We had embarked on our ministry believing we knew what God was planning to do--that since He had called us to build a church, big numbers, large offerings, and continual victory were surely His will. But God’s definition of success was not the same as ours. He wasn’t just building a church; He was building us. His construction tools included storms that made no sense to us but made perfect sense to Him. I thought that trying circumstances were hindering us from accomplishing His purpose, when they actually were His purpose, for His concern (as always) was not our comfort or success, but our character.

The disciples eventually reached the other side, but when they arrived, they were different men. The Lord did build our church, but by the time the steeple was in place, the ministry couple inside had been thoroughly changed. All that bailing and rowing had made us stronger and softer. Our spirits had grown sturdier as we learned to distinguish His face even in the murkiest skies, and we had become much more compassionate, with our ears tuned to the cries of other sailors floundering in other gales.

A storm is a stressful, scary place for disciples in a little boat, but when they are there at His direction, there’s no better place to learn from the Master.

Matthew 14:22-33

With thanks to Oswald Chambers

Destroyed and Damaged Memories

With tears streaming down my face I sorted through destroyed and damaged earthly treasures today. Photos that were ruined as water dripped onto the bookcase from the AC unit above it. Most of my pictures when I was a baby are now in the trash. Wedding pictures are damaged. Baby books are wet. And scrapbooks are in the trash.

Today is the first day of the ladies Bible study in my home. Am I surprised that today is the day I found those albums in ruin? No! Ever since Ruth and I decided on the date for the study we have had trials. Yesterday, Scott suddenly fell ill with the shakes and dizziness, but today he is fine. On accident, a couple of weeks back Adeline was given a popsicle with milk in it. Last week I found myself completely discouraged over my lacking Spanish. I literally could give you a page long list of trials. Suffice it to say God must be getting ready to do something great here in Uruguay and I so want to be a part of it. At the very least I long to see His hand at work in the lives of the church ladies.

Before I discovered my photos I was singing "It is Well With My Soul". Now I must ask myself, "Is it really?" Yes, it is. The Bible study I'm teaching tonight focus' on giving up our own wants and desires and even things so we can follow the Lord. Though my heart aches over lost memorabilia my Saviour stands beside me to give me comfort. For that I can, and do, sing and rejoice. I can lift my eyes onto the Lord and be used of Him, because in allowing me to lose I have gained as He has drawn me closer to Him.

"Master, Master we perish"

"Then He arose, and rebuked the wind and the raging of the water: and they ceased, and there was calm. And He said unto them, Where is your faith?" Luke 8:24,25a

In recent weeks, as many of you know, we've been struggling, discouraged and frustrated with, and in, the battles we have faced recently. It is so very easy to take my eyes off the Lord and focus completely on my circumstances. In those times my faith becomes very weak and fear grows strong.

"Now the just shall live by faith....Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 10:38a & 11:1) God has really been reminding me that I need to continue to build my faith. It's interesting to me that as I look back on my Christian life I can see without doubt those times God was teaching me to grow in faith.

Brandon has potentially life threatening kidney disease. When Kaitlin was three she nearly died from a serious infection in her leg caused by the flesh eating bacteria. At birth, Isabel suffered from premature lungs which collapsed and nearly took her life. Adeline has had mulitple cases of pneumonia and anaphylactic reactions. And I could go on.

What have all these trials taught me? To be still and know that God is God. To rest in Him and trust His will for my life whatever the circumstances. That discouragement is the absence of courage. That lack of faith is the absence of hope.

The repeating theme throughout those trials and the ones we have been experiencing lately is one of faith. It seems that God is asking me, "Debbie, do you have the faith to believe that I really am at work? Do you have the faith to leave this situation in my hands? Do you have the faith to rest and trust? Will you obey and do what I ask though it makes no sense to you?"

Honestly, my faith has waivered. Often in the last few weeks my answer has been no, or at best a tentative yes. There have been times recently where I have felt much like Habakkuk, "O Lord, how long shall I cry and thou wilt not hear!" Hababkkuk 1:2a. And God replies, "Behold ye among the heathen, and regard, and wonder marvelously: for I will work a work in your days , which ye will not believe, though it be told you." Habakkuk 1:5

Whether I see it or not, believe it or not, have hope in it or not, God is at work! What a blessing it is that God loves me so much that He works even in my unbelief. But what a shame it is to KNOW that I have lacked the belief and hope that God is at work.

It comes in threes.

Is an old adage about bad news and bad things and in our case yesterday was a BAD day. First, Nehemiah came in the house crying hysterically. When I finally got him calmed down I understood his mouth hurt. Not only that but he was salivating excessively. My Vet medicine background kicked in and I knew he ate something he shouldn't have. I finally figured out he got the sap from an Elephant Ear plant in his mouth. Thankfully it's not poisonous it just does bad things to the mouth and skin.

Just as things calmed down with Nehemiah I gota phone call from the kids teacher. Adeline had hit her head on the fireplace giving her a cut on the bridge of her nose. When she got home we saw the wound would heal with a big scar so we took her in to get a modified butterfly put on her nose.

Then Kaitlin and I ran out to get our hair cut and when we got back Scott asked me to look at his finger. He had been chopping wood into kindling and was holding the wood where he shouldn't have been and hit his hand with the ax. Praise the Lord he had gloves on or...well I don't even want to go there. Basically he popped his finger open like a grape.

All this on top of some major spiritual battles. And the kids say they're bored!